Love is not maximum emotions. Love is maximum commitment - Sinclair B Ferguson
This is an understanding about love that probably many generations have carried with them. The idea of love involves not just emotions but also commitment. The basis of any relationship is commitment and especially romantic love could not be seen complete without the commitment part. The human heart (poetically speaking) had been the ‘love center’ for ages but as we evolved we also relied on the ‘brain center’ (reasoning) for the decision making process. Should I or Should I Not! And If I Should, then How? Well, this I feel has primarily brought us from the committed relationship domain to the situationship domain.
Dictionary.com defines situationship as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is undefined and non-committal”. This literally would mean that a situationship is a relationship minus commitment and to a greater degree lacks clear definitions. Situationship is characterized by its undefined nature, unclear boundaries, lacking consistency, unclear future, superficial connection, convenience, etc. For me situationship sounds like more of a transient and ‘living in the moment’ sort of proposition. At this point let me clarify that the term we had heard in the past, called NSA or No Strings Attached which meant a relationship where there are no special conditions or restrictions for emotional or physical fidelity. NSA was defined and had some parameters but is the anti or opposite of a relationship which predominantly dwelled on commitment. Then there is another phenomenon called FWB or Friends With Benefits. I also want to mention the living-in phenomenon that was in the news and also made it to the legal galleries.
Don't worry. I don't want to confuse you all, I am just putting a perspective to things and trying to understand how ‘fluidity’ defines things these days rather than a structure or viscosity. I am just trying to understand the old school and the modern school thought processes. The traditionalist might perceive situationship as another evil invented by the modern generations for their survival. The modernist might argue that situationship stems out of the flaws and gaps seen in relationships which spring around ‘commitment’. I feel that situationship has evolved more due to the complexity in our relationships and our lifestyle than ‘just’ the flaws in the committed relationship structure.
This brings me to another term, I have been hearing a lot these days, ‘benching’. It was used in sports earlier for someone who is kept out of the game. But slowly has found its way into the relationship domain. Benching in a relationship means ‘when a partner doesn't want to let go of you, but is not committed enough to be in a full-blown relationship with you.’
My take as a counsellor on all of this.. relationships , whether committed or the uncommitted types, ensure that it does not become toxic. The fundamental of any relationship is mutual respect, of course I do not deny the existence of emotions and love, but respect and regard for each other brings value. Another thing I want to mention here is that in whatever form of relationship you are getting into, understand its pros and cons. Understand how to ‘handle’ it. Understand how to ‘get in’ and also how to ‘get out’ without traumatizing yourself or having a minimal impact on your fragile mind. There needs to be clarity in your mind while adopting any of the formats of the relationship and ensure that your partner also understands and is communicated well.
I will give you 6 mantras, which I feel are universal and will help you handle any kind of relationship;
