Take Time Out for Self-Love: Ways to Cultivate a Joyful Life
What is love? This has been in discussion often, a pertinent question that we all dwell upon and keep asking ourselves and others. There is no clarity on what exactly is the definition of love, however, it is considered to be deep affection or intense feelings for another person. This I must point out has fundamentally channelized the way we have been thinking about love from time immemorial. Thus begins a deep cycle of emotions around our existence as human beings and we start seeking love in others. Receiving love from others becomes a point of validation for our existence. It becomes so important that if we do not receive as we expected, we become disappointed thus leading to sadness and despair.
The conceptualization of the definition of the word ‘love’ according to me is fundamentally flawed which results in us seeking love externally and not internally. It is so important to find love first within our own self than seeking it from others and outside. One of the teachings of Buddha reflects upon the same and he says, “You can search the whole tenfold universe and not find a single being more worthy of love and compassion than the one seated here - yourself.” Loving yourself is important because it helps you discover your true essence. Loving others then becomes much simpler and easier.
Let’s try to understand the concept of self-love and why it is important for us as human beings. Let me first establish the fundamental difference between a few words such as selfish, self-centred, and self-love. Someone who is concerned excessively or exclusively about oneself is known as selfish, while self-centred means concern for one’s own needs, wants, and interests with a sense of pride and often in an egoistic manner. Self-love on the other hand involves fostering appreciative and positive relationships with yourself resulting in a great deal of humility, compassion, and empathy for self and others. Self-love helps us to identify and celebrate our own self-worth. It brings in acceptance, helps us to set healthy boundaries, treating our own self with kindness and respect. Self-love makes us feel open and free to love others as we love ourselves.
Love needs to be perceived as a positive energy that helps to maintain a healthy balance between the body, mind, and soul. This is primarily in the context of the self. This healthy balance in self will lead to creating a balance with our external environment. In the words of Eckhart Tolle “Get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.” The chaos within is reflected in the chaos in our life outside. So how does one practice self-love? How does one avoid slipping into the realm of selfishness and self-centredness?
The practice of self-love starts with knowing yourself. This could be at all three levels, the physical, the mental, and the spiritual level. There is self-acceptance when you acknowledge all the positives and negatives in yourself. Embrace everything about yourself without any hesitation. In this process, it is important to also practice self-compassion, self-forgiveness, mindfulness, and self-appreciation. Wow! Big words… look difficult? But trust me, friends, it’s not as hard as it seems.
We can start with small things keeping in mind the larger picture of living a happy, joyful, and fulfilling life. Start with gratitude towards yourself, be thankful for everything around you in a humble and meaningful manner. This helps in improving your mood and has a profound effect when done each morning. The next easy thing is to give yourself a compliment regularly. This not only makes us feel good but also helps boost self-confidence and makes us focus on the positive aspects of life. You need to stop being hard on yourself, especially avoid being over-self-critical at any cost. Forgive yourself, you need to learn from your mistakes and understand that you did your best. Be conscious and aware of yourself and of your surroundings, choose your words carefully, speak when you feel it is important to do so, try to understand the situation and people, and don’t be judgmental. For Lord Krishna says, "A person can rise through the efforts of his own mind; or draw himself down, in the same manner. Because each person is his own friend or enemy."
This last one is my favourite, appreciate yourself. Small things that you achieve in life, small milestones that you cover, need to be acknowledged by your own self. Like I always say, take your left hand on the back side of the right shoulder and pat yourself. Just say ‘Good Job” or “Well Done, You Deserve It” … Do not neglect yourself. As said by William Shakespeare, “Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.”
In conclusion, please start loving yourself as it very important cornerstone for loving others. It’s a fulfilling feeling to love your own self and adds more value and thrill to love others then. Self-love is distinct from selfishness and self-centeredness as it is very positive in its characteristics and nature. Self-love is the best form of love and is helpful in many ways. Take time off others… love yourself first.
