Parenting is an intricate emotional relationship and bonding experience which encompasses a wide range of meanings, perspectives, communication, and styles. Parenting styles significantly influence children’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. These styles stem from cultural backgrounds, environments, emotions, financial status, core beliefs, and the psychological and physical states of both parents and children. More importantly, parenting styles often evolve based on the age of the child and the parents and the distinct personalities of the mother and father. A continuum of strict to lenient could impact the relationship between the parent and child positively or negatively.
Baumrind's Parenting Styles
In the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind identified three primary parenting styles—authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive—based on parental demands and responsiveness to children. A fourth style, neglectful, was later added by other researchers.
New Age Parenting: Helicopter Parenting
Helicopter parenting is a contemporary style which is characterized by excessive involvement and control over children's lives. Parents closely monitor every stage, from attending parent-teacher meetings to college fairs, and interviews, and even monitoring social media accounts.
Various factors influencing parenting styles:
Cultural background: Cultural background and societal norms will significantly have influence parenting beliefs and values.
Parent’s upbringing: How parents were raised often impacts their parenting approach, as they may imitate or constantly diverge from their own parents' methods.
Personality and temperament: A parent's own personality trait or emotional regulation abilities, their core beliefs, and feelings can share their parenting style.
Education and knowledge: Parents ability of understanding a child's physical and emotional development and different parenting techniques can affect their approach.
Family structure: Joint families, single parenting, extended families can all affect parenting styles and dynamics.
Child’s temperament: The child’s inborn traits, behavior, and personality can elicit different responses from parents, accordingly parenting style will be adopted.
Social support system: The support system of family, friends and community can impact parenting approaches.
Stress and Mental health: Parents' stress, anger, and anxiety levels and also the ability to cope with these issues can influence parenting styles.
Work–life balance: Both parents working and single parents working, their job demands, and their ability to balance work and family life can affect their interactions with their kids.
In my experience as a parent, I believe parenting is akin to mirroring. From infancy, children observe and reflect on their parents' actions. I think children should be seen and their feelings valued. Children’s behavior is influenced by their thoughts and emotions throughout their developmental stages. I struggled initially but eventually strove to maintain good communication and positive relationships with my kids, becoming more vigilant and friendly as they grew into adolescence. I give them space when needed, guide them, and make them aware of how to handle unexpected situations. I never taught them to be perfectionists; rather, I accepted their failures and taught them coping techniques.
My husband’s parenting style has evolved from being protective during their younger years to collaborative as they matured, and now, as they have passed adolescence, his style is more consultative. My parents' parenting style evolved along the continuum, ranging from strict to understanding.
A single-parent approach must have a balance between nurturing and discipline. it’s challenging emotionally and physically to take care of all the needs of the children. One parent is responsible for raising their children. The approach to develop a unique style of parenting could be various reasons., including the death of a spouse, separation, divorce, or a conscious decision to parent alone have to be resilient, resourceful, adaptable, and flexible taking the full spectrum of responsibilities.
As a therapist, I come across different issues faced by children due to their parents' authoritarian parenting approach. This case narrates the parenting style of a mother who is suffering from a psychological issue. A mother who is suffering from mild depressive issues is neglecting her responsibilities and giving her child excessive freedom. The child seeks love, attention, and emotional support from the mother. The child hardly sees her father due to the father’s busy business schedule.
As stated in the beginning, Parenting styles can vary widely depending on the child’s age and specific issues. Some of the Parents constantly monitor and would like to guide their children even after their children are 21 years old. This can lead to significant psychological pressure on the young adult. As they try to adapt to Western culture, like dating, social independence, and living in relationships, many Indian parents do not accept due to cultural adaptations and a generational gap. It can create significant pressure leading the young adult to feel overwhelmed and stressed. Feelings of being unaccepted could lead to issues of isolation and emotional distress. Hence, parent-child relationship and communication issues might lead to sadness, hopelessness, and helplessness, and could lead to thoughts of suicidal ideation.
Rather than focusing on one parenting style, delve into various parenting styles as per the need of the hour. Parents must take responsibility for creating awareness from the adolescent age about contemporary issues such as social media usage, peer influence, smoking, drug misuse, and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Emotional support, rather than just logical support, is crucial. Conversations about physical, hormonal, and emotional changes should begin early. Parents must guide and create awareness age-appropriately. Both parents must spend time equally with the kids right from infancy. Consistent reinforcement is crucial for fostering positive outcomes. Act as a motivator for your child and help build their self-esteem. While parenting styles play a significant role, children will ultimately develop their own unique traits and responses.
