Love is fundamental to everyone's existence and starts at home. Good understanding and empathy lead to deeper connections in all relationships, wherein communication is crucial. We all know, that to communicate effectively to a person we wish to, we should learn the language of that person. A similar is in communicating love to a person, in a language they understand.
The primary emotional need of a human is the need to feel loved. Every person has an emotional love tank to be filled. When the love tank is full one feels very secure. The emptiness could lead to misunderstandings, misbehaviour, and a lot of negative actions.
You believe that your love for someone will last forever. But it disappears after the honeymoon period in some couples. Some seem to have lost that feeling after a few months or a few years or even after staying together for more than a decade or two. If your love communication is not understood, they feel unloved. This leads to separation. You can bridge the differences in your relationship by discovering your partner’s primary love language.
The concept of “The Five Love Languages “ was developed by Gary Chapman, a well-known author and marriage counsellor. Though love can be spoken in any of these five different ways, every individual has one primary love language.
“Words are sharper than a sword”
Words of affirmation are the most common one, communicating love and doing wonders in any relationship. Affirmative words include verbal compliments, encouraging words, and empathetic words. Appreciate their thoughts, actions, or ideas. Your words motivate your partner to reciprocate their love too and hence nurture emotional intimacy. Your Encouraging words inspire your partner conveying your belief in their abilities and helping them cross the obstacles in areas where they feel insecure. This increases your partner’s self-esteem and self-worth and hence values the relationship.
Tip: Kind words are important as words change their meaning based on the tone of voice. Send an unexpected email, note, text, or card.
Praising your partner in front of others like their parents or mutual friends would also amplify. Be honest in appreciating.
“Giving time means giving a part of your life”
Quality time means "just the two of you" spending time together with focused attention without any digital and other distractions. Your attention is divided and your partner feels unloved if you are on your gadgets while they are sharing something important with you. Being in the same house for a whole day doesn't mean you have spent quality time. They feel valued and loved when you are making time, especially for them as it shows you are prioritizing them over anything else.
If your partner's love language is quality time you also need to develop the art of listening. At times your partner might be expecting you to give your time to just listen and understand them without interruptions and advice.
Tip: Proximity and eye contact while conversing will have more impact. You can do things together in which you or your partner is interested. It could be gardening, learning a new skill, cooking a new recipe, walking, planning a weekend, or simply chatting in bed.
“Gifts are the visual signs of your love.”
Gift giving is an expression of love and indicates your thoughts of them. A costly bouquet from your garden is equally treasured if your partner's love language is receiving gifts. They need not be expensive.
If you are a person who saves and invests more and doesn't agree with the idea of purchasing gifts, realize that you are investing in your relationship to meet your partner's emotional needs which would pay you off in reciprocating love.
A needed gift to your partner at hard times could simply be your physical presence.
Tip: Doing it with love is more important than the monetary value.
Even small things like getting your partner’s favourite snack, movie tickets of a favourite artist, or a handmade gift fill your partner’s emotional love tank.
“ Actions speak louder than words”
Acts of Service are frequently a challenging love language to put into practice as they are time-consuming and need planning. It's not compulsory to do these but it’s worthy enough if you want to communicate your love to your partner when it's their love language.
A Pew Research Centre study from 2016 found that over half of married couples thought that splitting household chores was crucial to a successful marriage. Understand different dialects as you might be working on the wrong things instead of the things which your partner wants you to do. Get the list of things your partner wants you to do from their criticism or complaints to you.
Communicate your needs to your partner as a request rather than a demand if your primary love language is Acts of service.
Tip: Acts of service add benefit to any healthy relationship.
Make sure you and your partner are happy with how much work you do around the house, regardless of whether it's part of your love language or not.
“Nothing is so healing as the human touch” - Bobby Fischer
At any point in time we need to feel loved more than anything else and physical touch is the easiest and most potent communicator of love. The brain perceives the sense of touch as loving or hostile. It speaks all your love and intentions and can start or end a relationship.
If your partner’s primary language is physical touch, physical gestures like holding hands, embracing, offering support, kissing, and other loving gestures can fill their emotional love tank. A back rub or a hug would mean more than words to communicate your love and care when your partner is struggling or sobbing. Cuddling, in particular, releases oxytocin, the feel-good hormone that strengthens your immune system and makes you feel secure.
Tip: The simplest acts of physical touch like sitting very close holding hands while watching a movie, or hugging before leaving for work can be very meaningful leading to emotional intimacy.
CONCLUSION
The concept of "love languages" provides insightful knowledge about interpersonal relationships. Communicating your needs and love to your loved ones, be it your parents, siblings, friends, partner or children is the key to achieving a long-lasting relationship. Discovering their primary love language helps you to understand them well. It might be new as a second language to you but all you need to do is begin learning and gradually become fluent.
In the process of my learning, I have discovered different primary love languages of my own family – my Partner’s being Acts of Service, my Son’s being Words of Affirmation, my Daughter’s being Receiving Gifts and mine being Quality Time.
As you nurture a plant daily, CONSISTENCY is more important for a healthy and lasting relationship. Connect with your loved ones daily in their primary language and see the magical impact on your lives which lasts forever.
