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I’m in a phase of life where tough decisions feel unavoidable—the kind that leaves you restless and conflicted. From switching careers to starting a new job or making difficult choices about personal relationships, each decision weighs heavily. But among them, the most painful is saying goodbye to people I love and care for deeply.
I keep asking myself: Why is it so hard to let go, even when I know it’s the right thing to do? The relationships, opportunities, tasks, or people I’m holding on to—both personal and professional—are no longer serving my growth. Yet, the thought of parting ways fills me with dread.
After much reflection and mindful acknowledgement of my whirlwind of emotions, I’ve begun to uncover why this process feels so excruciating. Perhaps many of you can relate.
The Pain of Letting Go
When I delved deeper into understanding my real and ideal self, I recognized a stark contrast between who I am and who I aspire to be. My ideal self is free, independent, and confident—someone capable of making bold decisions and navigating life with assurance. However, my real self often feels the opposite—dependent, plagued by self-doubt, and uncertain of my abilities.
This disconnect stems not only from my upbringing but also from deeply ingrained societal and cultural values, alongside my strong personal belief system. Growing up in a protective environment where I was shielded from tough decisions, I became reliant on external guidance. While this protection provided comfort, it also left me hesitant and fearful when faced with challenges that demanded self-reliance.
I was also raised with values that emphasized gratitude and unwavering commitment to what we have. Unknowingly, these beliefs reinforced the idea that letting go was akin to giving up. As a result, I often found myself holding on to situations and relationships long after they stopped serving my growth.
Reflecting on the Big Five Personality Traits (OCEAN) deepened my self-awareness. I scored lowest in Openness to Experience, revealing my natural preference for familiarity and reluctance to embrace change. My second-lowest score, in Extraversion, highlighted my tendency to retreat into my inner world rather than seek external stimulation.
This mix of traits, combined with my upbringing, clarified why many of my decisions have been shaped by fear—fear of uncertainty, failure, and stepping out of my comfort zone. I’ve often chosen the safety of my self-built cocoon over the risks that come with exploring the unknown.
The Role of Fear in Holding Us Back
Fear is at the heart of it all—the fear of uncertainty, discomfort, and losing what’s familiar. Letting go feels like stepping into an unknown void, and that thought terrifies me.
I’ve also realized that this fear is not just about losing people but losing parts of my identity attached to them. There’s the fear of being forgotten, of not being capable enough to handle new challenges, or of failing to meet my expectations of who I want to become.
When working with clients facing breakups or divorces, I see this same struggle play out. Even when a relationship turns toxic, many hesitate to leave because of the comfort and security it once offered.
Finding Strength Through Self-Acceptance
What changed for me was a conscious decision to seek support, practice self-love, and embrace self-care. Slowly, I’ve started acknowledging my flaws and fears instead of avoiding them.
Through introspection, I realized how often I underestimated my capabilities, giving in to self-doubt and insecurities. But the more I confronted these feelings, the more I grew. Now, I’m learning to step into the unknown with courage, even when it feels uncomfortable or painful.
I remind myself that failure and mistakes are not the end but stepping stones to becoming stronger and more self-assured.
Embracing Change and Moving Forward
Life is a journey of choices—good and bad, easy and challenging. To uncover my hidden potential, I know I must leave behind the safety of my cocoon and embrace new experiences with an open mind and heart.
Letting go is not about forgetting or erasing the past. It’s about making room for the new—new opportunities, relationships, and lessons. And with each challenge, I aim to shine brighter and higher.
My Mantra: Go with the Flow
If there’s one principle that keeps me moving forward, it’s this: Go with the flow.
Accept life as it comes—with wide, welcoming hands and a big smile. Challenges may seem daunting, but they’re often disguised opportunities for growth. By letting go of the old, I’m creating space for a future that aligns with who I truly want to be.
Letting go isn’t easy, but it’s a journey worth taking—one that leads to growth, freedom, and a brighter version of yourself. If you’re struggling to part ways with something or someone, know that it’s okay to feel afraid. Trust in your resilience, embrace the discomfort, and take that leap. You might just discover that the other side of fear holds the brighter future you’ve been waiting for.
