Embracing Hearts: Magic of Unconditional Love

“Unconditional love is an act of defiance against hatred and intolerance, bringing light into the darkest of times.” – Elie Wiesel, Night (1960)

Ever experienced or offered unconditional love???

I take the privilege to share my journey through the Illuminating path to happiness.

As a human, I naturally had expectations when I loved the people in my life ...my parents, my spouse, my kids, my friends and my relatives. This resulted in disappointment many times. I got exhausted physically and mentally when my goal was always to please others and meet their expectations. It was too late when I realized the mission of pleasing others is a never-ending process at the cost of our inner serenity and contentment. However, after a few years, I discovered a great deal of inner peace and happiness amidst different kinds of people.

Wondered how!!! "Unconditional love" 

Now that I'm capable of offering unconditional love anytime, no one can hardly influence the way I feel in and out.

Love has many definitions as we all know.

‍What is unconditional love then??

‍Unconditional love – The art of loving someone including all their flaws and imperfections, with zero expectations.... zero restrictions. It’s purely an act of self-love as well.

Prioritizing yourself doesn't mean you are selfish or self-centered. It's just an act of self-love to attain inner peace and happiness… the ultimate goal of anyone’s life.

When you think of Unconditional Love, you may associate it with parental love.

Such kind of love is seen in parental love, pet love, friendship, charity and compassion, romantic relationships and self-love.

‍Facts of Research on Unconditional Love

The neural basis of Unconditional Love: This study used functional magnetic resonance imaging to identify the areas of the brain that support this type of love. Research has demonstrated that distinct brain regions for maternal and romantic love are involved in the brain's reward system. Loving someone unconditionally activates the same parts of the brain that light up when you show romantic and maternal love.

Findings indicate that children who receive high levels of nurture and love from their parents tend to have less distress in adulthood.

‍Why do relationships become lifeless? 

Reasons could be many, like  - lack of trust and respect, lack of communication, lack of intimacy, unresolved issues, not reaching the expectations mark, unable to accept the flaws, expecting the person to resemble you and lack of empathy. All these reasons would ruin any relationship, be it spouse, children, in-laws, friends or any other. You can simply win them over with the magic of unconditional love which helps you to accept the person as such with no strings attached. You just need to acknowledge the fact that “ Everyone is unique” and “ No one is perfect”.

‍Healthy Vs Unhealthy Unconditional Love 

Healthy Unconditional Love has many benefits.

• Unconditional love has a profound impact on the psychological and emotional well-being of a person.
• Fosters the development of deep and meaningful connections with others.
• Enables you to explore yourself completely.
• You can set your healthy boundaries with mutual respect and trust.
• You can't create suffering for anyone.
• No one can master your feelings and emotions.

Unhealthy Unconditional Love has many effects as well.

• If boundaries are not set, it can affect your happiness.
• It can result in codependency where you develop emotional dependence on the other.
• Your growth is hindered due to doubt about self-worth.
• You develop tolerance to any sort of abuse, be it physical/ verbal/ emotional.
• You need not allow a person to disrespect you or take you for granted.

‍Strategies to foster Unconditional Love

Cultivating Unconditional Love is neither easy nor impossible. You need strength to accept and more strength to offer such love. This is possible only when you embrace and adore yourself with total acceptance.

Here are some ways to develop Unconditional Love – 

• Nurture yourself with unconditional love as you would with others.
• Practice Empathy to connect with others.
• Forgiveness and letting go is very essential.
• Total acceptance of people including their flaws.
• Show kindness and compassion without any expectations.
• Practice active listening to gain understanding and deepen relationships.

Cultivate gratitude for the positive qualities and contributions of the people in your life.

Set healthy boundaries to safeguard your well-being.

Unconditional Positive Regard is a cornerstone in Person/client-centered therapy in counselling where the client is free to open up and solve the issues. I being a counsellor provide such unconditional support to my clients and create a space where the client can express their feelings, emotions and decisions, without the fear of being judged and with confidence and trust. Whatever perspectives of the client are shared in the session are accepted with a non-judgmental stance.

Signing off with a thought-provoking quote by Dr. Elisabeth, Author of Death and Dying - 

“If we make our goal to live a life of compassion and unconditional love then the world will indeed become a garden where all kinds of flowers can bloom and grow.”